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Monthly Archives: February 2012

 

 

What’s the Story?

Desmond Miles lost consciousness after stabbing his would-be girlfriend at the end of the last game, so his friends plugged him into the Animus (a computer program that accesses forgotten memories, usually of one’s ancestors) to keep his mind from turning to goo. Now trapped inside his own mind, Desmond is forced to relive the final memories of Ezio Auditore, 16th century master assassin, as he hunts down the Library of Altair (another master assassin).

 

What’s the Problem?

Not Very Assassin-y

For a game with “Assassin” in the title, you don’t actually assassinate that many people. You kill a whole lot, but there isn’t the planned, methodical murder of high-placed figures that usually indicates assassination. Mostly you follow one clue to the next, get better weapons and armour, and climb everything more than three feet high.

Gah! No. Not that. Go AROUND that, and... oh, stuff it; just climb on whatever you want.

I get that they wanted “Assassin” in the title because it would sell more copies of the game than making up a name for the protagonists’ group, but still… if you’re going to call them assassins you can’t bitch whenever I stab a beggar for annoying me.

I'm about to get that "Kill one more innocent person and we'll boot you back to the last save point" message, aren't I?

 

Not Very Revelatory

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What’s the Story?

Before the events of Halo 1, the planet Reach was attacked and destroyed by the Covenant. This is the story of a group of Spartan soldiers who try to defend the planet and all die failing to do so.

 

What’s the Problem?

The Plot

is nothing. This is a game where they decided to come up with fun scenarios to play and then made a vague effort to tie them together with a storyline. The story does not drive the action at all. It feels like something that’s been put there to get you from A to B. Consequently, you don’t care about it.

Which is a problem, if they want me to care about the people in the squad and care when they die. Which apparently they do, because they keep playing heroic music when they cark it.

You can hear the music right now, can't you?

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What’s the Story?

Doctor Mara Fox, leading fertility doctor, is bored of her work. A colleague approaches her with an offer seemingly too good to be true: her own department, an extraordinary budget, and no oversight. The only downside: it’s technically part of a religious college.

After dithering about for a quarter of the book, Mara goes. Everything is great there. She meets another scientist, Scanlon, who has a mysterious department. They like each other. Like, as more than friends. This has never happened to Mara before. Scanlon tells her about his pet project: taking old relics and scouring them for Jesus’ DNA.

 

What’s the Problem?

You can probably see where the story is going: they found Jesus’ DNA and are going to clone him. Hell, you could probably tell that much from the title of the book. So the main problem is:

 

Mara Isn’t Onboard with This

She discovers the whole cloning-Christ thing when her IVF patient has a possible problem and she runs the foetus’s DNA and it doesn’t match the mother or the father. Turns out Scanlon did a switcharoo with the woman’s embryo that the potplants saw coming but our world-class, supposedly-intelligent narrator doctor doesn’t see coming.

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