Skip navigation

Monthly Archives: October 2011



What’s the Story?

In Gears 1, it was some years after E-Day, the day when monsters that had been living beneath the surface of the world (the Locust) emerged and started war with the humans. At the start, Marcus Fenix [sic] was in prison for disobeying orders and trying to save his father’s life. He failed, his father died, and he was put in prison. By the end, he and his team had delivered a bomb into the Locust tunnels, hopefully killing them all.

In Gears 2, the Locust have begun sinking entire cities. The humans are launching a desperate, all-out war. By the end, it is revealed that the Locust are at war with the Lambent Locust. That is, Locust who glow white and explode when they die. Marcus and friends manage to flood the underground tunnels, hopefully killing all the Locust and all the Lambent. In doing so, they sacrifice the last human city on the planet.

In Gears 3, two years have passed. Humanity exists only in small camps of survivors spread across the globe. Straggling forces of Locust and Lambent still live on the surface, but there aren’t many. But then, there aren’t many humans either, and most of them live on a boat.

This boat.

Oh yeah, and apparently Marcus’s dad isn’t dead. He’s alive.


What’s the Problem?

It’s Almost the Same as Gears 2

Gears 2 was almost Gears 1. They made some improvements, but not a whole lot. Between Gears 2 and 3 there’s been even less. A couple of new weapons, maybe a graphics upgrade (it’s hard to tell, though, so… not much of an upgrade, I guess), and some new varieties of enemy.

Be amazed at the radical difference in graphics!

Read More »




What’s the Story?

You know the Smurfs, right? Those little blue guys, constantly happy, about three apples high? Yeah, well Gargamel finally finds their Smurf-village and stomps it to pieces. An eclectic mix of Smurfs, however, escape through a mystical portal which dumps them in Central Park. To get home, they make friends with an advertising guy and his fully-preggers wife. Hilarity ensues*.

*Results may vary.


What’s the Problem?

New York

Why does everything have to take place in New York? Or sometimes LA, but usually New York. Even in this, a movie based on a TV show based on a comic book that were both based in the middle of a forest. Part of their charm was this simple life. Instead, this film is a fish-out-of-water story where the Smurfs don’t understand modern technology (referring to cars as “carts” for example) and causing all manner of mayhem because of it.

THAT'S not a fish-out-of-water story set in New York, THIS is a fish-out-of-water story set in New York...

But we have films like that already. We don’t have many (any?) films about an entire community of happy blue critters in a forest fighting off a larger, evil force. Well, apart from Avatar…

Read More »

By Stephen Bills

Available as a free ebook or paperback.

Note: this review may be slightly biased, as it was written by the author…



What’s the Story?

Constable James Paddington has been waiting all his life for something interesting to happen on the sleepy island of Archi. Now, it has: a cow has been killed by what is clearly a supernatural creature, so Paddington calls in the Supernatural Help and Investigation Team to deal with the problem. They, instead, tend to point their guns at everything rather than solve any problems.

Oh, and Norman Winslow has documented his own zombification in a wine ledger and is now somewhere on the loose.

And now, with a horde of philosophical zombies on the loose, the Team has discovered a prophecy about the end of the world…

Like this, but with less being-eaten-by-a-giant-snake.


What’s the Problem?

Not Enough Zombies

Yes, okay, there’s a horde of the damned things, but for something that’s in the title – and is therefore presumably a selling point – there isn’t a whole lot of zombie stuff early on. It gets there, later, but in the early stages it’s all about Paddington and his search of what killed poor Betsy the cow.

And no, Betsy is not a zombie cow.

Read More »

Produced by the Adelaide Theatre Guild

Playing at the Little Theatre 4-8th and 11-15th of October.

TICKETS: $25 Full / $20 Concession or 10+ group on 8303 5999 or or BASS 131 246.



What’s the Story?

Katurian has written 400 short stories. Perhaps 20 feature children dying in horrible ways. Only one has ever been published. At the start of the play, Katurian has been blindfolded and taken into an interrogation room by two police officers of a totalitarian dictatorship. One, Ariel, tends to rely on physical brutality to get his answers. The other, Tipolski, uses mind games. As the play unfolds, we discover that there has been a recent spree of child murders that very closely resemble those in Katurian’s stories.


What’s the Problem?

Remarkably little. And I mean that. This play was written by Martin McDonagh, and if you’ve seen In Bruges then you know what you’re in for. It’s funny, it’s dark, it’s slightly twisted, and the interrogations are about 80% wordy mind-games, which I love.



That said, the characters swear a lot. Like, every second f***ing sentence. I’m not exactly prudish when it comes to language myself, but McDonagh has a habit of foul-mouthed characters (see In Bruges again). The problem I have with it is that the swearing doesn’t add anything to the story. It works for Ariel most of the time, because it shows that he’s a bit rougher than the other characters, without their eloquence or intelligence, but there are other ways of showing that, and the story does them.

Eh. Just be prepared for swearin’ aplenty and you’ll be fine.

Of course I swear! How else would you know I was an angry, maladjusted sort of character?

Read More »



What’s the Story?

Anton Yelchin used to be a nerd, but then he became cool and dated a hot chick. Now there’s a vampire (Colin Farrell) living next door to him. After his friend gets killed by said vampire, Anton believes this and tries to work out what to do. He turns to a stage magician (David Tenant) for advice. Then the vampire works out he’s been made and attacks Anton and co.


Who ya gonna call? David Tennant!



What’s the Problem?

Get to the Funny

This film is great from about halfway in. The first half is your typical “I don’t believe he’s a vampire” then “I believe he’s a vampire but don’t want to sound crazy so I’ll just act weird and alienate everyone who cares about me” cliché parts, but once Anton, his mother, and his girlfriend all believe Colin is a vampire, the movie really comes into its own. It’s funny, it plays with established vampire clichés and rules (like vampires not being able to come in unless invited) but it’s still gory. It doesn’t trade horror for comedy; it just adds comedy to its repertoire.

Read More »